Thursday, January 26, 2012


  Ever since I found out my best friend was pregnant I was really excited because our babies would grow up together. Courtney and I have been friends since we were 14. She was one of the first girls I met when I moved to South Carolina, and as soon as we met we were inseparable. We have been through pretty much everything you could imagine in a friendship and we still remain as close as ever.Now a days Courtney lives with her husband in Florida and of course I live in Pennsylvania.No matter how far away we are we remain very close and talk to each other everyday. I love her to death and I would do anything for her.
   I remember the morning like it was yesterday when she texted me telling me her good news. I started jumping up and down like a maniac and ran to my bedroom to wake up Matt. This is something we both hoped would happen, that being that we would be pregnant at the same time and have our kids grow up together.So throughout our pregnancies we would keep in contact telling each other what was going on or to just vent to one another over things that were going on in our lives.
  On January 19 2012 little Elliet Elizabeth Hayes was born! Courtney sent me a picture of her and I immediately started crying. I was so happy for her and her husband and just couldn't believe we were both mommies now. The girls will get to meet each other in about a month and I'm so excited to see Miss Elliet and her mommy!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

To breast feed or to bottle feed?

I was one of those people who swore up and down, left and right that they were going to breast feed. I didn't care how frustrating it would be,or how much it would hurt because I knew it was what was best for Gracie. Little did I know my dream was going to be crushed.

While I was at the hospital of course being a new mom I was clueless at breast feeding. The nurses worked with me every time Gracie needed to eat and I felt good knowing I could do it. But of course the nurses let me try by myself and I got frustrated cause I could not get Gracie to latch on. The lactation consultants came in and tried to help me to find a way that was comfortable for both me and Gracie and they were a big help. So on discharge day I felt confident that I could do it.

We got home and of course I started to freak out and again I couldn't get Gracie to latch on. I started getting really frustrated to the point of crying. My mom told me I needed to calm down because if I freak out Gracie will freak out too. Finally with Matt's help and my mom's help I was able to do it. The day after we came home from the hospital we had Gracie's first doctor's appointment. The doctor was concerned because when Gracie was born she weighed 8lbs 8oz and the next day she weighed 7lbs 14oz. So we had to go back in a couple days to see if she gained weight, also they advised me to meet with the lactation consultant to make sure Gracie was eating right. Couple days later we went back Gracie gained only an ounce, coupe days later I went to the lactation consultant for help and Gracie gained 2 ounces while we were there. The lactation consultant had told me to get "Mother's Milk Tea" because my milk was not coming in that much and this tea was supposed to help it to come in. Few days later we went back to the doctor for another weigh check and Gracie still wasn't gaining like she was supposed to be. The doctor told me it was time to start using formula along with her breast milk.I was kind of mad because I did not want to use formula I wanted to breast feed, but I would do whatever I had to so Gracie would be healthy. So as the days went on and I pumped my milk slowly started to decrease. I drank the mother's milk tea like crazy hoping and praying it would work and my milk would start flowing.

6 weeks after Gracie was born my milk was completely gone. I  could not believe it. I just sat and cried. I felt like a completely failure as a mother. Matt was a little disappointed but I think relieved as well so he didn't have to hear me get frustrated and see me struggle. I did everything I could to breast feed but apparently it wasn't for me. My mom said, "They wouldn't make formula unless it wasn't good for babies". This I knew but deep down all I thought was Gracie wasn't going to grow and develop like she should. I had to come to realize that this wasn't up to me it was up to my body.

At Gracie's 2 month check up she weighed 10lbs 8 oz, and the doctor told me she was a little advanced. So I really had nothing to worry about all along. Whether you breast feed or formula feed it does not affect the way the baby develops.

one of my favorite quotes:

*Seldom do people look upon a formula feeding mother and see a woman who tried to breast feed and was heart broken when she found that she could not*

Sunday, October 16, 2011

14 hours of labor

I woke up at 2am on September 25th with a pain in my abdomen, thought nothing more than I just really had to go pee. Woke back up at 4:30am with more intense pain went into the bathroom and realized that it was not that I had to pee, I was in LABOR! I woke Matt up and told him I needed to call the doctor just to make sure this was real labor and not fake. I called the doctor and told him I was feeling some contractions in my back and  they were about 10 minutes apart. He told me to relax and call back between 8am and 9am because I was in early labor. I thought, Oh my gosh! This is REALLY happening right now i'm in labor!! So Matt grabbed a piece of paper and started writing down the time of my contractions, how long they were and where they were. I grabbed my sponge bob coloring book (the one I had been coloring in since about week 30 of my pregnancy when I started getting really bored) and decided to color Gracie a picture. I turned on the tv and boy was I happy with the line up until 8am...Golden Girls, Threes Company and The Nanny! My favorite tv shows what luck! My contractions started getting a little stronger and longer and they were all in my back. All I could think of was, is this going to come around to the front or am I going to end up with the back labor that I have heard horror stories about? After I was finished with my coloring I wrote the time and date and that I was in labor. I got up and started walking around because that definitely better than sitting around! Finally 8 am came and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I called the doctor and he said to head to the hospital.When I got to the hospital they checked me and I was only 3 cm dilated. They told me that labor could take up to 2 days and that if I didn't dilate to 5 they were going to send me home. I'm thinking oh great! There was no way I wanted to go home and be miserable for 2 days! I was going to have this baby today! After they checked me I started to feel the pain worse and it was still in my back. I'm not going to lie it was the worst pain I ever felt. All I wanted was for someone to be able to give me some pain medicine. After a little while my nurse came in and said the doctor wanted me to get up and walk around. I was up for anything at that point. So off Matt and I went doing laps around the labor & delivery floor. I would have a contraction and I would try to walk right through it. Walking definitely helped! The pain didn't feel as bad as it did when I was lying down. Finally at about noon the nurse checked me and I was 6cm dilated! She said to me "Looks like we are having a baby today!" Instantly I started crying. Then the nurse says to me "Do you want an epidural?" "YES!!!!!!!" I replied! They took me to my room where it felt like forever until I got my epidural. The anesthesiologist came in and took a look at my back and because I have a slight scoliosis she said to me the epidural might not fully work. I'm like GREAT! She hooked up my epidural and I felt a cool liquid go down my back. It actually felt pretty neat! She told me it could take up to 15 minutes until it worked but I started feeling numb right away. Because I did have back labor they also said it might not be as effective.  I was numb except for one spot on my back, and even the pain I felt was not bad at all. So the doctor came in and checked me and I was now 7cm. So I got my orange snow cone and sat back and waited. What felt like an hour later I started feeling intense pain again. I'm thinking what the heck is going on and is this normal? The doctor came in and I was between 8 & 9cm dilated. He then broke my water and said I'll be back in 5 minutes to check you because this is going so fast it should not take long for you to get to 10cm. Then he said your baby should be here around 5 o'clock. I started crying again! But the happy tears soon turned to tears of pain because my epidural had worn off and they couldn't do anything about it because I would be pushing soon. This was the WORST pain I have ever felt, I thought I was going to die. The nurse came in twice and checked me and I was still at 9cm. Finally a few minutes later the doctor came in and I was complete! I'm like thank god!!!! I pushed for an hour and at 6:12pm my Gracie Mae was here. They put her on my chest immediately and I just cried. I could not believe she was finally here! After they cleaned her up I got to hold her and I looked at her and thought, all that pain was worth it. I immediately fell in love with her. No words can describe holding your child for the first time except love.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

8 Days

Today I've been thinking a lot about how my life is soon going to change. 8 days..that's all I have left assuming that little Gracie will be born on her exact due date, but what are the chances of that happening? I keep thinking which day will she be born? How big will she be? Will she have a lot of hair or no hair at all? I look back on my entire pregnancy and how lucky I was to have such a good experience. No morning sickness, not a lot of swelling, no complications. I'm truly lucky. I've been standing in the mirror a lot today looking at my belly thinking what will I look like without it? I honestly can't remember what it was like not having a baby bump. It's weird cause before I got pregnant I wondered what I would look like with a baby bump. Gracie was just moving like crazy a few minutes ago, is it going to be weird not feeling her kicks, hiccups, wiggles and occasional hit to my ribs? I know these are all natural feelings, but I still can't help but to think what is it going to be like? Now onto labor, at about 25 weeks I remember starting to get really nervous about what it was going to be like. Holy crap was I nervous. I remember about 2 years ago when my sister had my youngest nephew I asked her how bad it hurt and she replied, "Imagine your period cramps times a million". Oh boy. I talked to my nana about it a few times and she told me that my great grandmother gave her some advise about pushing, and that was "Imagine you have to take a huge shit". I'm definitely going to take that advise with me into the delivery room . Now that I think about labor all I want to do is get her out, I just want to meet my little girl. I don't care how bad it hurts, that's what the epidural is for. My mom comes tomorrow and will be staying with us until after Gracie is born. I'm so glad she will be here with me through all of this. It doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you still need your mom :) Also it will be great to have her here once Gracie arrives, and I can get her advise on things. All in all i'm ready, I'm SO ready for this little angel to arrive...8 days :)