I was one of those people who swore up and down, left and right that they were going to breast feed. I didn't care how frustrating it would be,or how much it would hurt because I knew it was what was best for Gracie. Little did I know my dream was going to be crushed.
While I was at the hospital of course being a new mom I was clueless at breast feeding. The nurses worked with me every time Gracie needed to eat and I felt good knowing I could do it. But of course the nurses let me try by myself and I got frustrated cause I could not get Gracie to latch on. The lactation consultants came in and tried to help me to find a way that was comfortable for both me and Gracie and they were a big help. So on discharge day I felt confident that I could do it.
We got home and of course I started to freak out and again I couldn't get Gracie to latch on. I started getting really frustrated to the point of crying. My mom told me I needed to calm down because if I freak out Gracie will freak out too. Finally with Matt's help and my mom's help I was able to do it. The day after we came home from the hospital we had Gracie's first doctor's appointment. The doctor was concerned because when Gracie was born she weighed 8lbs 8oz and the next day she weighed 7lbs 14oz. So we had to go back in a couple days to see if she gained weight, also they advised me to meet with the lactation consultant to make sure Gracie was eating right. Couple days later we went back Gracie gained only an ounce, coupe days later I went to the lactation consultant for help and Gracie gained 2 ounces while we were there. The lactation consultant had told me to get "Mother's Milk Tea" because my milk was not coming in that much and this tea was supposed to help it to come in. Few days later we went back to the doctor for another weigh check and Gracie still wasn't gaining like she was supposed to be. The doctor told me it was time to start using formula along with her breast milk.I was kind of mad because I did not want to use formula I wanted to breast feed, but I would do whatever I had to so Gracie would be healthy. So as the days went on and I pumped my milk slowly started to decrease. I drank the mother's milk tea like crazy hoping and praying it would work and my milk would start flowing.
6 weeks after Gracie was born my milk was completely gone. I could not believe it. I just sat and cried. I felt like a completely failure as a mother. Matt was a little disappointed but I think relieved as well so he didn't have to hear me get frustrated and see me struggle. I did everything I could to breast feed but apparently it wasn't for me. My mom said, "They wouldn't make formula unless it wasn't good for babies". This I knew but deep down all I thought was Gracie wasn't going to grow and develop like she should. I had to come to realize that this wasn't up to me it was up to my body.
At Gracie's 2 month check up she weighed 10lbs 8 oz, and the doctor told me she was a little advanced. So I really had nothing to worry about all along. Whether you breast feed or formula feed it does not affect the way the baby develops.
one of my favorite quotes:
*Seldom do people look upon a formula feeding mother and see a woman who tried to breast feed and was heart broken when she found that she could not*